Had a bad day

It's 5:21 Pm, as I'm sitting here writing this. I've got a cigarette burning in the ashtray, a bottle of Smirnoff Twisted, and the radio's blaring. I don't usually drink on the weekdays, hell, I don't usually drink at all. But I'm so pissed off right now I'm not sure I can think of anything else to do, unless I want to scream at the top of my lungs, which will only upset my neighbors...Or punch something, which will only mess up my hand! So...I'll sit here drinking until I calm down enough to get my head straight and do some constructive instead of destructive.

I had a bad day at work, which is typical for a Tuesday these last few weeks. My boss' kid, my direct supervisor, is such an asshole I wanted to punch him in the face today. But, because I need this stupid job, I refrained from doing so. The Grimy Bastard was all over my ass again today. I had to give him an aging report, which pissed him off, because it meant he had to actually work for a change instead of hopping in his 2007 Escalade and driving around all day with his thumb up his ass as is his usual routine. Must be nice to have more money than God and a job where your father owns the company and all you have to do is show up at work and piss people off all day and still get a paycheck! The fucking life this kids leads is beyond my comprehension! I don't get it, I bust my ass to earn my measly paycheck that barely pays my bills, and this kid does nothing but delegate his responsibilities to everyone else and gets paid big bucks to build a new house, guy a new car, buy a new cell phone, a new riding lawnmower, and all sorts of other shit that I can't even think of right now, I'm so pissed!

Anyway, I handed him the report, and he sat down to go over it. Took him a whole hour to read everything I wrote on it, and then he calls me into the office to tell me the same shit he tells me every week. "Call this guy every day until he sends a check."..."Why hasn't this guy sent a check?"..."Call them and find out what's going on."..."Call this guy every day until we get a check." He sounds like a broken record! And quite frankly, I'm tired of hearing him spew forth the same insightful bullshit every day. Problem is...The Grimy Bastard doesn't read, AND he doesn't listen to me! I call the same 175 people every day, and get the same story from them every day! I'm not a fucking magician, and I can't make money appear in the mail on a daily basis! If I could do that I wouldn't need this damn job so bad, would I? So all this Grimy Bastard does is piss me off! He fails to realize that not only do I call these people every day, if I can get though the whole list, but I also have to send out bills, read and sign contracts, look into lien waivers to make sure they're correct before I sign those and mail them out, take phone calls, give quotes, AND try and fix the problems with the entire department. So I pretty much never leave my office for 8 1/2 hours a day, unless I sneak out the back door to smoke a quick cigarette. And then, if I have a contractor who disputes a bill, I have to write down what the problem is, talk to the Grimy Bastard to get an answer, call the contractor back and give him the answer, talk to the Grimy Bastard again, call the contractor back...Because this little shit can't even deal with a problem and makes me do it! I've told him before "I don't make the fucking decisions around here, because if I did, I'd reduce the bill 50% to shut this moron up. He'd be happy, pay the bill, and we'd STILL make a profit because we charged him 4 times what we paid for it!" Then the Grimy Bastard has the nerve to tell me to calm down! I can't stand this kid! Someday he'll have to open his eyes and deal with the real world because daddy won't be around for ever to pat him on the ass and tell him to go play!

I cried the whole way home, not because I was sad, but because I was so pissed it's all I could do! The radio didn't help much, because they played all these mushy songs, which got me thinking about my life, and how I hate it so much! I spent two and half years in a relationship that was so wonderful in the beginning I was sure I was going to marry the guy. But...that was Bibleman, and all he did was lie to me, nice Christian he was. Not to mention, it only took him less than a month to find a new girlfriend...his "right woman" as he says. I hope he chokes on his dinner! Lying scumbag! How the fuck do you break someone's heart and then tell them you love them? Must be some new thing I forgot to read in the manual of life! Promised me the world, and then broke up with me because I didn't believe all his Holy Jumper shit! He knew from the beginning that I didn't agree with his beliefs, but he insisted that it didn't matter. Well, when push came to shove, he couldn't deal with the fact that I'm Buddhist and he's a Born-Again. If you ask me, all Born-Agains are the same...searching for something, anything, to fill the void in their lives. Because they fucked up their lives so badly that they think by "finding God" they'll be saved. And then they have the nerve to preach that "God will give Buddhists a chance to repent in the end." What the hell do I have to repent? I'm not a bad person. I didn't fuck up anything, except my own life, which was all by my own choices that I at least have the balls to admit to! And then I start thinking that even though he's a lying scumbag, I still miss him sometimes. Maybe because I'm so damn paranoid and afraid that I'll end up living my life a lonely old bitch. I can't help but get depressed about the fact that at the rate I'm going, I'll never be a mother. I at least have the brains to realize that bringing a kid into the world just to get on Welfare is so disgusting it's not even funny! So, because I have morals and values, and because I'm outspoken, and have a strong personality I think I scare off all the men I've ever been in contact with. Well, that and the fact that I'm not Angelina Jolie.

Anyway, I guess I'm done ranting, because my bottle is empty but my knuckles are still white! I'm off to get my drink on, and make my problems go away for a little while. I know, I know...drinking doesn't solve anything! I already know this, and like I said, I'm NOT a big drinker...I just need to get this anger out of my system before I do something I'll pay for later! I don't have the patience to sit on my meditation mat right now...and this anger is not healthy. I need to calm down! I'll blog more later, once I get ahold of myself.

Toodles!