Well, I managed to stay off my computer a whole week! I'm so proud of myself! I figure since it's almost shit the bed anyway, I might as well get used to not having it, since I'll never be able to afford a new one anyway. Unless I put the good word in to Mom, and she buys herself a new one, then she'll give her's to Dad and I'll get his! Doubt it will work though, I never did get her car! (I'm such a spoiled brat! But it's not my fault!) At any rate, not a whole hell of a lot going on!
I was so excited about going to Schemitzun yesterday! I've been wanting to go for over 5 years now, and have just never actually made it! I had asked Mother Mitchell and her boyfriend to go, they said they would. Then I asked Bouch to go too. He said he'd go. That was on Tuesday! Wednesday, Mother Mitchell told me that she had a wedding to go to on the Cape on Saturday, she thought I was going to Schemitzun today! So I was a little bummed about them not being able to go, but Bouch was still going, and I was thrilled! Friday night, around seven o'clock, the phone rang. Bouch couldn't make it, he had to work! Damn! I ended up not going. I was going to go by myself, but I know me, and I'm so bad with directions, not to mention that my car is still a piece of crap and I'm not sure it would make the hour journey there! So I stayed home and read all day! Until I came over Mother Mitchell's to babysit the dog again! I ended up watching Harry Potter 3 & 4, then went to bed! Fun, huh?
It's 10:00AM...I should be out doing something! But instead, I'm sitting here, blogging! Man, I need a life! I'm going to Schemitzun, dammit! even if I do have to go alone! Even if I do get stuck in Connecticut! I don't care! I'm going!
I'm going to go make the bed, get dressed, and head out on my journey!
Toodles!
27 August 2006
22 August 2006
Had a bad day
It's 5:21 Pm, as I'm sitting here writing this. I've got a cigarette burning in the ashtray, a bottle of Smirnoff Twisted, and the radio's blaring. I don't usually drink on the weekdays, hell, I don't usually drink at all. But I'm so pissed off right now I'm not sure I can think of anything else to do, unless I want to scream at the top of my lungs, which will only upset my neighbors...Or punch something, which will only mess up my hand! So...I'll sit here drinking until I calm down enough to get my head straight and do some constructive instead of destructive.
I had a bad day at work, which is typical for a Tuesday these last few weeks. My boss' kid, my direct supervisor, is such an asshole I wanted to punch him in the face today. But, because I need this stupid job, I refrained from doing so. The Grimy Bastard was all over my ass again today. I had to give him an aging report, which pissed him off, because it meant he had to actually work for a change instead of hopping in his 2007 Escalade and driving around all day with his thumb up his ass as is his usual routine. Must be nice to have more money than God and a job where your father owns the company and all you have to do is show up at work and piss people off all day and still get a paycheck! The fucking life this kids leads is beyond my comprehension! I don't get it, I bust my ass to earn my measly paycheck that barely pays my bills, and this kid does nothing but delegate his responsibilities to everyone else and gets paid big bucks to build a new house, guy a new car, buy a new cell phone, a new riding lawnmower, and all sorts of other shit that I can't even think of right now, I'm so pissed!
Anyway, I handed him the report, and he sat down to go over it. Took him a whole hour to read everything I wrote on it, and then he calls me into the office to tell me the same shit he tells me every week. "Call this guy every day until he sends a check."..."Why hasn't this guy sent a check?"..."Call them and find out what's going on."..."Call this guy every day until we get a check." He sounds like a broken record! And quite frankly, I'm tired of hearing him spew forth the same insightful bullshit every day. Problem is...The Grimy Bastard doesn't read, AND he doesn't listen to me! I call the same 175 people every day, and get the same story from them every day! I'm not a fucking magician, and I can't make money appear in the mail on a daily basis! If I could do that I wouldn't need this damn job so bad, would I? So all this Grimy Bastard does is piss me off! He fails to realize that not only do I call these people every day, if I can get though the whole list, but I also have to send out bills, read and sign contracts, look into lien waivers to make sure they're correct before I sign those and mail them out, take phone calls, give quotes, AND try and fix the problems with the entire department. So I pretty much never leave my office for 8 1/2 hours a day, unless I sneak out the back door to smoke a quick cigarette. And then, if I have a contractor who disputes a bill, I have to write down what the problem is, talk to the Grimy Bastard to get an answer, call the contractor back and give him the answer, talk to the Grimy Bastard again, call the contractor back...Because this little shit can't even deal with a problem and makes me do it! I've told him before "I don't make the fucking decisions around here, because if I did, I'd reduce the bill 50% to shut this moron up. He'd be happy, pay the bill, and we'd STILL make a profit because we charged him 4 times what we paid for it!" Then the Grimy Bastard has the nerve to tell me to calm down! I can't stand this kid! Someday he'll have to open his eyes and deal with the real world because daddy won't be around for ever to pat him on the ass and tell him to go play!
I cried the whole way home, not because I was sad, but because I was so pissed it's all I could do! The radio didn't help much, because they played all these mushy songs, which got me thinking about my life, and how I hate it so much! I spent two and half years in a relationship that was so wonderful in the beginning I was sure I was going to marry the guy. But...that was Bibleman, and all he did was lie to me, nice Christian he was. Not to mention, it only took him less than a month to find a new girlfriend...his "right woman" as he says. I hope he chokes on his dinner! Lying scumbag! How the fuck do you break someone's heart and then tell them you love them? Must be some new thing I forgot to read in the manual of life! Promised me the world, and then broke up with me because I didn't believe all his Holy Jumper shit! He knew from the beginning that I didn't agree with his beliefs, but he insisted that it didn't matter. Well, when push came to shove, he couldn't deal with the fact that I'm Buddhist and he's a Born-Again. If you ask me, all Born-Agains are the same...searching for something, anything, to fill the void in their lives. Because they fucked up their lives so badly that they think by "finding God" they'll be saved. And then they have the nerve to preach that "God will give Buddhists a chance to repent in the end." What the hell do I have to repent? I'm not a bad person. I didn't fuck up anything, except my own life, which was all by my own choices that I at least have the balls to admit to! And then I start thinking that even though he's a lying scumbag, I still miss him sometimes. Maybe because I'm so damn paranoid and afraid that I'll end up living my life a lonely old bitch. I can't help but get depressed about the fact that at the rate I'm going, I'll never be a mother. I at least have the brains to realize that bringing a kid into the world just to get on Welfare is so disgusting it's not even funny! So, because I have morals and values, and because I'm outspoken, and have a strong personality I think I scare off all the men I've ever been in contact with. Well, that and the fact that I'm not Angelina Jolie.
Anyway, I guess I'm done ranting, because my bottle is empty but my knuckles are still white! I'm off to get my drink on, and make my problems go away for a little while. I know, I know...drinking doesn't solve anything! I already know this, and like I said, I'm NOT a big drinker...I just need to get this anger out of my system before I do something I'll pay for later! I don't have the patience to sit on my meditation mat right now...and this anger is not healthy. I need to calm down! I'll blog more later, once I get ahold of myself.
Toodles!
I had a bad day at work, which is typical for a Tuesday these last few weeks. My boss' kid, my direct supervisor, is such an asshole I wanted to punch him in the face today. But, because I need this stupid job, I refrained from doing so. The Grimy Bastard was all over my ass again today. I had to give him an aging report, which pissed him off, because it meant he had to actually work for a change instead of hopping in his 2007 Escalade and driving around all day with his thumb up his ass as is his usual routine. Must be nice to have more money than God and a job where your father owns the company and all you have to do is show up at work and piss people off all day and still get a paycheck! The fucking life this kids leads is beyond my comprehension! I don't get it, I bust my ass to earn my measly paycheck that barely pays my bills, and this kid does nothing but delegate his responsibilities to everyone else and gets paid big bucks to build a new house, guy a new car, buy a new cell phone, a new riding lawnmower, and all sorts of other shit that I can't even think of right now, I'm so pissed!
Anyway, I handed him the report, and he sat down to go over it. Took him a whole hour to read everything I wrote on it, and then he calls me into the office to tell me the same shit he tells me every week. "Call this guy every day until he sends a check."..."Why hasn't this guy sent a check?"..."Call them and find out what's going on."..."Call this guy every day until we get a check." He sounds like a broken record! And quite frankly, I'm tired of hearing him spew forth the same insightful bullshit every day. Problem is...The Grimy Bastard doesn't read, AND he doesn't listen to me! I call the same 175 people every day, and get the same story from them every day! I'm not a fucking magician, and I can't make money appear in the mail on a daily basis! If I could do that I wouldn't need this damn job so bad, would I? So all this Grimy Bastard does is piss me off! He fails to realize that not only do I call these people every day, if I can get though the whole list, but I also have to send out bills, read and sign contracts, look into lien waivers to make sure they're correct before I sign those and mail them out, take phone calls, give quotes, AND try and fix the problems with the entire department. So I pretty much never leave my office for 8 1/2 hours a day, unless I sneak out the back door to smoke a quick cigarette. And then, if I have a contractor who disputes a bill, I have to write down what the problem is, talk to the Grimy Bastard to get an answer, call the contractor back and give him the answer, talk to the Grimy Bastard again, call the contractor back...Because this little shit can't even deal with a problem and makes me do it! I've told him before "I don't make the fucking decisions around here, because if I did, I'd reduce the bill 50% to shut this moron up. He'd be happy, pay the bill, and we'd STILL make a profit because we charged him 4 times what we paid for it!" Then the Grimy Bastard has the nerve to tell me to calm down! I can't stand this kid! Someday he'll have to open his eyes and deal with the real world because daddy won't be around for ever to pat him on the ass and tell him to go play!
I cried the whole way home, not because I was sad, but because I was so pissed it's all I could do! The radio didn't help much, because they played all these mushy songs, which got me thinking about my life, and how I hate it so much! I spent two and half years in a relationship that was so wonderful in the beginning I was sure I was going to marry the guy. But...that was Bibleman, and all he did was lie to me, nice Christian he was. Not to mention, it only took him less than a month to find a new girlfriend...his "right woman" as he says. I hope he chokes on his dinner! Lying scumbag! How the fuck do you break someone's heart and then tell them you love them? Must be some new thing I forgot to read in the manual of life! Promised me the world, and then broke up with me because I didn't believe all his Holy Jumper shit! He knew from the beginning that I didn't agree with his beliefs, but he insisted that it didn't matter. Well, when push came to shove, he couldn't deal with the fact that I'm Buddhist and he's a Born-Again. If you ask me, all Born-Agains are the same...searching for something, anything, to fill the void in their lives. Because they fucked up their lives so badly that they think by "finding God" they'll be saved. And then they have the nerve to preach that "God will give Buddhists a chance to repent in the end." What the hell do I have to repent? I'm not a bad person. I didn't fuck up anything, except my own life, which was all by my own choices that I at least have the balls to admit to! And then I start thinking that even though he's a lying scumbag, I still miss him sometimes. Maybe because I'm so damn paranoid and afraid that I'll end up living my life a lonely old bitch. I can't help but get depressed about the fact that at the rate I'm going, I'll never be a mother. I at least have the brains to realize that bringing a kid into the world just to get on Welfare is so disgusting it's not even funny! So, because I have morals and values, and because I'm outspoken, and have a strong personality I think I scare off all the men I've ever been in contact with. Well, that and the fact that I'm not Angelina Jolie.
Anyway, I guess I'm done ranting, because my bottle is empty but my knuckles are still white! I'm off to get my drink on, and make my problems go away for a little while. I know, I know...drinking doesn't solve anything! I already know this, and like I said, I'm NOT a big drinker...I just need to get this anger out of my system before I do something I'll pay for later! I don't have the patience to sit on my meditation mat right now...and this anger is not healthy. I need to calm down! I'll blog more later, once I get ahold of myself.
Toodles!
21 August 2006
WOOOHOOOO!!!
Hot damn! I'm up and running again! For the time being anyway! I don't have a clue what happened to this computer, all I can guess is that I somehow managed to attract another virus in this pig of a machine! I don't care, really...Tha fact that I can blog from home again is amazingly wonderful! I no longer have to try to catch up on all my reading in that last hour of the work day when I'm finally alone in my office. I didn't have the time to do it today anyway, so I was quite pleased to be able to log in with out freezing up! Yee Haw! Hot damn!
I don't have a clue where I left off here, except with my 'Stupid Computer' post! Anyway, things have been pretty nowmal, I suppose. Nothing major going on. Well, the weekend went by way too quick for me. But that's always the case, and quite frankly, I don't even give a damn anymore!
Friday night I did the usual movie night with Mother Mitchell and her boyfriend (I'll call him Skipper). Believe it or not, we actually let him pick out a movie, even after the horrible flick he chose to torment us with last week. 'Little Big Man' was was a pretty good movie - funny, serious, sad. Not a bad pick, I'd say. Not that it matters really, I love Native Americans and don't mind watching anything surrounding them. I think I've said before...I love the history, culture, music...everything!
Ah...my neighbor is plucking away at his banjo again. So peaceful. I'm glad he waits until the rush hours traffic subsides a bit before he gets going. Now if the police sirens would stop blaring and flying up the street, I'd be happy!
Saturday, as I was informed, I was going to Skipper's long time friend's house to help cut down a tree. Fun, fun! I love how I'm told what I'll be doing! I had heard a bit about Skipper's friend, Dirty Pierre, and was kind of looking forward to meeing him. Although, I must admit, he was not at all what I was expecting. Skipper is a fairly big guy, tall and burly, mustach...he very much looks the part of a Captain or Skipper. I was expecting the same of Dirty Pierre.
We took a left off the main road, onto a long dirt road surrounded by trees and bushes, very country, which I'm not used to being a city girl and all. It was really neat, although I wouldn't want to know what you'd have to do if there was a car coming the other way, since only one could fit down the road at a time. Anyway, Dirty Pierre lives at the very end of this road. We pulled up and parked next to the house and got out of the truck. Dirty Pierre has a very small, very quaint house, nestled among the trees with a big open field along the one side of the house, and a big yard with a really neat pond on the other. For me, it was heavenly. We walked into his house, and I immediately noticed how clean, and practically empty it was. Dirty Pierre had been in the living room, and walked around the corner into the kitchen. I was a little surprised by his appearance. He was a pretty small, thin guy. Fairly quiet and not at all how I had envisioned him. He was very pleasant and accommidating to say the least. I guess I expected a big biker of a guy with a bunch of tattoos, and a big mouth!
Anyway, we set off into the back yard and started cutting down the tree. I couldn't figure out why he wanted to take it down, but apparently it was crowding his River Birch. So we ended up lugging branches up the hill from the pond into the field on the other side of the lot. After we finished we sat by the pond chatting for a bit, but then the hunger pangs set in and we took off up the hill to the deck and had a cookout. It was nice. We sat around drinking, talking, laughing, and eating. I enjoyed it, but I still can't get the sap from the trees off the bottom of my feet!
I was suppoed to go to a birthday party yesterday, but declined, and opted to go to my parents instead. I love my parents dearly, and I don't spend the time I should with them. So I spent a quiet evening over there, sweating my ass off in the heat. But I'm glad I decided to visit them instead of going to a birthday party for someone I hardly know.
I've got some blogs to catch up on, so I'll leave to read them. And then I'll be doing some much needed housework!
Toodles!
I don't have a clue where I left off here, except with my 'Stupid Computer' post! Anyway, things have been pretty nowmal, I suppose. Nothing major going on. Well, the weekend went by way too quick for me. But that's always the case, and quite frankly, I don't even give a damn anymore!
Friday night I did the usual movie night with Mother Mitchell and her boyfriend (I'll call him Skipper). Believe it or not, we actually let him pick out a movie, even after the horrible flick he chose to torment us with last week. 'Little Big Man' was was a pretty good movie - funny, serious, sad. Not a bad pick, I'd say. Not that it matters really, I love Native Americans and don't mind watching anything surrounding them. I think I've said before...I love the history, culture, music...everything!
Ah...my neighbor is plucking away at his banjo again. So peaceful. I'm glad he waits until the rush hours traffic subsides a bit before he gets going. Now if the police sirens would stop blaring and flying up the street, I'd be happy!
Saturday, as I was informed, I was going to Skipper's long time friend's house to help cut down a tree. Fun, fun! I love how I'm told what I'll be doing! I had heard a bit about Skipper's friend, Dirty Pierre, and was kind of looking forward to meeing him. Although, I must admit, he was not at all what I was expecting. Skipper is a fairly big guy, tall and burly, mustach...he very much looks the part of a Captain or Skipper. I was expecting the same of Dirty Pierre.
We took a left off the main road, onto a long dirt road surrounded by trees and bushes, very country, which I'm not used to being a city girl and all. It was really neat, although I wouldn't want to know what you'd have to do if there was a car coming the other way, since only one could fit down the road at a time. Anyway, Dirty Pierre lives at the very end of this road. We pulled up and parked next to the house and got out of the truck. Dirty Pierre has a very small, very quaint house, nestled among the trees with a big open field along the one side of the house, and a big yard with a really neat pond on the other. For me, it was heavenly. We walked into his house, and I immediately noticed how clean, and practically empty it was. Dirty Pierre had been in the living room, and walked around the corner into the kitchen. I was a little surprised by his appearance. He was a pretty small, thin guy. Fairly quiet and not at all how I had envisioned him. He was very pleasant and accommidating to say the least. I guess I expected a big biker of a guy with a bunch of tattoos, and a big mouth!
Anyway, we set off into the back yard and started cutting down the tree. I couldn't figure out why he wanted to take it down, but apparently it was crowding his River Birch. So we ended up lugging branches up the hill from the pond into the field on the other side of the lot. After we finished we sat by the pond chatting for a bit, but then the hunger pangs set in and we took off up the hill to the deck and had a cookout. It was nice. We sat around drinking, talking, laughing, and eating. I enjoyed it, but I still can't get the sap from the trees off the bottom of my feet!
I was suppoed to go to a birthday party yesterday, but declined, and opted to go to my parents instead. I love my parents dearly, and I don't spend the time I should with them. So I spent a quiet evening over there, sweating my ass off in the heat. But I'm glad I decided to visit them instead of going to a birthday party for someone I hardly know.
I've got some blogs to catch up on, so I'll leave to read them. And then I'll be doing some much needed housework!
Toodles!
16 August 2006
Stupid Computer
Just a quick little note...My home computer is being stupid and won't let me log in here, so I'm sneaking a few minutes at work. I hate that I can't read all your blogs, or post to mine. I hope it doesn't take too long to figure out what the problem is! I'll be back soon...I hope!
Toodles!
Toodles!
13 August 2006
Why do I sleep so late?
Saturday has come and gone. I woke up late this morning, as usual. Now that the weather is so much cooler, I think I need to set my alarm clock on weekends so that I can enjoy it. I can't stand the heat of summer - too hot, too muggy, and I hate that sticky feeling when it's so humid and I can't breath. I'm not fond of sweating, but I'd rather have it pouring down my back than just be sticky.
I need to do laundry, or drop it off and have it done rather. Not that I'll get it all done, I should have dropped it off yesterday, but I never got around to it. So now, I have to do just enough to get me through Monday and Tuesday. I'll drop the rest off Monday after work and hope I don't run into Bibleman. Then I'll pick it up Tuesday after work...and hope I don't run into Bibleman. He stresses me out way too much, even just seeing him brings on an instant migraine.
I slept in my bed the last two nights, after having spent the last two months sleeping on the couch. I can't say I got any more rest in doing so though. I'd like to sleep in bed tonight, but since I have to work tomorrow I think I better bunk out in the living room again. For some strange reason, I seem to wake up earlier if I sleep on the couch. I'm so afraid that if I sleep in my bed, I won't wake up in time and I'll be late for work.
Well, today's our anniversary. So I better get my laundry off so I can get home, eat breakfast, take a shower, and head over to Mother Mitchell's. It's 10:45AM. Why do I sleep so late?
Toodles...
I need to do laundry, or drop it off and have it done rather. Not that I'll get it all done, I should have dropped it off yesterday, but I never got around to it. So now, I have to do just enough to get me through Monday and Tuesday. I'll drop the rest off Monday after work and hope I don't run into Bibleman. Then I'll pick it up Tuesday after work...and hope I don't run into Bibleman. He stresses me out way too much, even just seeing him brings on an instant migraine.
I slept in my bed the last two nights, after having spent the last two months sleeping on the couch. I can't say I got any more rest in doing so though. I'd like to sleep in bed tonight, but since I have to work tomorrow I think I better bunk out in the living room again. For some strange reason, I seem to wake up earlier if I sleep on the couch. I'm so afraid that if I sleep in my bed, I won't wake up in time and I'll be late for work.
Well, today's our anniversary. So I better get my laundry off so I can get home, eat breakfast, take a shower, and head over to Mother Mitchell's. It's 10:45AM. Why do I sleep so late?
Toodles...
12 August 2006
I am constant
It's an absolutely gorgeous day out today. It's cool and breezy, and not at all like a summer day should be here. Last week was hot and humid, and like the snap of the fingers it's 20 degrees cooler. I love it. This is the perfect day, the way every day should be. My door is open and the breeze is amazingly wonderful. Thankfully, the traffic is light today and I can hear my neighbor strumming his banjo. I could sit and listen to him for hours, if only he'd play that long! This is my Paradise.
Unfortunately, reality has a way of hitting hard. I was at Mother Mitchell's last night. The typical Friday Night Movie Night for us. Her boyfriend was there, too. I like him...A lot. He's a really nice guy and I'm glad she's found someone to share her days with. We watched "Before Sunset" and although it sounded like a good movie, it was dreadfully disappointing. Nothing like watching a couple walk through the streets of Paris talking for two hours! I'll have to remember this movie, so I can be sure to NEVER see it again!
When the movie ended I lit a cigarette and said "Guess what Sunday is?"
To which Mother Mitchell replied "Sunday?"
"Yeah, Sunday, duh! Don't tell me you forgot?"
"The 13th?"
"Uh....yeah, the 13th," I could only roll my eyes, not believing she had forgotten.
"Your anniversary? With 'Bibleman'?"
"No, that's October 13th. And it doesn't exist anymore," I said as I flicked my ashes into the ashtray.
"Oh. OOOOOOOH....OUR anniversary!"
"Two years."
"TWO YEARS?"
"Ayup, it's been two years." At this point, she leaned over to her boyfriend and said "Since we lost our jobs."
"Well," she said looking back to me, "Time flies when you're having fun!"
"You know, it's like that part of my life never existed. Like it never happened, any of it. Like I never worked there, at all, ever!"
"Really?" she said looking quite amazed.
"Really..." I said as I took another drag from my cigarette.
"You're that over it already?"
"Yeah, weird, huh?"
"Well, yes," she said looking at me like I had twelve heads. "I'm not over it."
"I know."
We talked a bit more about how she couldn't believe that I was over it, and how she wasn't. And how at least we had both moved on with our lives and found other jobs. "So, should we hit the package store then," she asked...Like I'd object.
"Better do it tomorrow."
"We should call the girls and invite them over to get drunk and silly with us," she said, laughing.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because. We were all a part of that. We went through it all together."
"Yeah. And it's only me and you now, isn't it?"
I don't know if it's just me being a cynic, or me slapping her in the face with reality, but we've had conversations like this in the past. Not about the same subject, but along the lines of her being optimistic and hopeful about things, and me just being realistic and telling it to her like it is. That could be part of the reason we're best friends. I keep her in check of reality, and she gives me a different perspective when I'm being too much of a cynic. Works well, I think.
The girls she was referring to were my "Ink Sisters." I've written a bit about us in a previous post. Mother Mitchell tries to keep us all together as much as she possibly can, although I've come to the conclusion that she's wasting her time and energy. Frankly, I no longer want to spend time with these girls. I think that Mother Mitchell, being almost twice my age and having had most of her childhood friends move far away (although they still remain very dear friends), is afraid of losing touch with the girls. She seems to feel like she HAS to keep us together as the dysfunctional family we were when we worked together. I, on the other hand, realize that it's not worth the effort. I have tried to keep in touch with all three of them, but they've never cared about keeping that bond we had. So in the end, it's Mother Mitchell and I who talk on a daily basis, go places together, and enjoy each other now as we did then. I cherish my friendship with Mother Mitchell, and I always will. It's not my fault that the other three have decided that we are no longer "worthy" of their friendship. Are they too busy with their own lives to call every now and again? Are they so wrapped up in their jobs to pick up the phone and return a call? Have they made new friends that are now taking up most of their spare time? Have they forgotten our phone numbers? Or is it just that they were never really our friends to begin with? Personally, I believe it's the last statement that holds true with all three of them. That, and maybe a bit of jealousy or resentment.
You see, every one of those girls, including me, looked up to Mother Mitchell. She was respected by each and every one of us when we worked together. And although she wasn't technically our boss, we all treated her as if she were. Whenever she was around, the three of them were on their best behavior...Except me. I didn't carry on with the games they played. If I messed up, hey, I messed up. I took my lecture from Mother Mitchell, accepted that I had made a mistake and moved on. I took responsibility for my actions, and admitted when I was wrong. My mood swings remained constant, whether Mother Mitchell was around or not. I ranted and raved, and had my bad attitude right in front of her. Granted, she'd tell me to the shut the hell up, or argue with me, or tell me to knock it off, which ever was appropriate, and then it would be done. We'd go back to doing what we were doing and everything was fine. The other three girls, well, I don't know how to explain it...But they never wanted to "disappoint" Mother Mitchell. They didn't want her to think that they were mean, nasty, rude, lazy, stupid, incompetent, made bad decisions, made mistakes, took shortcuts in their work, were late for work or left early...Or anything. They had to be "perfect angels" in Mother Mitchell's eyes. Me....Well, like I said...I never changed. I took shortcuts, and told Mother Mitchell I did, and that I was going to continue to do it my way whether she liked it or not. I told Mother Mitchell that I left work early, or came in late and that she could dock my pay if she wanted to. I lost my temper even when I shouldn't have and flipped out, and then admitted later that I was wrong. I remained constant. And in the end, I think she respected me for being me, period. She and I got along quite well, despite the fact that we are total opposite when it comes to personality. And I think what happened...no, I KNOW what happened, was that, because all the girls were vying for Mother Mitchell's attention, and I wasn't (honest)...The fact that we became such close and wonderful friends, really made them angry, jealous, and resentful. They couldn't wait to tell Mother Mitchell how I had messed up, hoping that maybe because I did, she and I wouldn't be such good friends. They followed her around like lost puppy dogs. They tried to rub things that they had done with her in my face. They started calling her more, and stopping by her house, and inviting her to go places, or go shopping, or just hang out...All in the hopes that they could sneak into her life and push me aside to become her best friend. This went on for at least two years, and in the beginning it didn't bother me in the slightest. I would just laugh to myself, not because Mother Mitchell was my best friend and not theirs, but because I could see how silly they were acting and I saw right through them. The back stabbing that went on, not just them stabbing me in the back but them stabbing each other in back, all to outshine one another, was beyond my comprehension. It was far beyond belief. I'd sit in the back room some days and listen to Miishii talk trash about The-Know-it-All. The next day, I'd listen to Too Friendly T talk trash about Miishii. A week later, I'd listen to The-Know-it-All talk trash about Too Friendly T. Not only did they bad mouth each other, but there occasions when they talked trash about Mother Mitchell...To me...Her best friend. Unbelievable. Did they think I wasn't going to tell her? Well, for a long time, I didn't. Because I didn't want to start any more wars than were already going on. I didn't want Mother Mitchell to think I was trying to make the rest of the girls look bad. So I kept my mouth shut. And it bothered me to not tell her what they really thought. In time, I saw that Mother Mitchell was falling for their crap hook, line, and sinker. She had put her best blinders on, and was convinced that each of the girls were wonderful, in their own ways. She couldn't see them for who they were, and it really bothered me. Not because I was afraid they'd "move in on my territory" and steal my best friend, but because they were all lying to her face to get what they wanted and she was too blind to see it. Mind you, she is an extremely intelligent and perceptive woman, but obviously not a very good judge of character. Finally, I decided to have a chat with her about what was going on. I let her in on the secrect that these three girls were not the perfect little angels she thought they were. It took her awhile, but she finally saw their true colors, and now she knows who they really are. So...while they had won many battles, they eventually lost the war. She no longer thinks of them as perfect angels, she sees them for who they really are...a liar, a user, and a puppet. And I no longer want them in my life. At all.
What it all boils down to is that since we no longer work together, there's no reason for them to continue with their charades. Why should they continue to be friends with someone when it is no longer beneficial for them to do so. They no longer need her, so why should they bother with her? It's no longer in their best interest to kill each other, and me, to be her right hand gal! They don't care about her personal life. They don't want to go shopping with her. They don't want to go to dinner with her. They don't care about her finacial stability, or lack there of. They don't want to be there with her when in bad times, or good for that matters. They don't want her calling them at 2:00 in the morning when she's sick and needs to go to the ER. They don't care that she's finally met a wonderfully amazing man who finally fills that void in her life. They don't love her the way they claimed they did. Hell, I don't even know if they like her anymore. But me...I care about her. I want to go shopping with her. I want to go to dinner with her. I care that she's falling on hard time financially. I want to be with her. I did spend the night with her in the ER. I care that she finally has someone to share her life with.
Because I do love her.
I am constant.
Unfortunately, reality has a way of hitting hard. I was at Mother Mitchell's last night. The typical Friday Night Movie Night for us. Her boyfriend was there, too. I like him...A lot. He's a really nice guy and I'm glad she's found someone to share her days with. We watched "Before Sunset" and although it sounded like a good movie, it was dreadfully disappointing. Nothing like watching a couple walk through the streets of Paris talking for two hours! I'll have to remember this movie, so I can be sure to NEVER see it again!
When the movie ended I lit a cigarette and said "Guess what Sunday is?"
To which Mother Mitchell replied "Sunday?"
"Yeah, Sunday, duh! Don't tell me you forgot?"
"The 13th?"
"Uh....yeah, the 13th," I could only roll my eyes, not believing she had forgotten.
"Your anniversary? With 'Bibleman'?"
"No, that's October 13th. And it doesn't exist anymore," I said as I flicked my ashes into the ashtray.
"Oh. OOOOOOOH....OUR anniversary!"
"Two years."
"TWO YEARS?"
"Ayup, it's been two years." At this point, she leaned over to her boyfriend and said "Since we lost our jobs."
"Well," she said looking back to me, "Time flies when you're having fun!"
"You know, it's like that part of my life never existed. Like it never happened, any of it. Like I never worked there, at all, ever!"
"Really?" she said looking quite amazed.
"Really..." I said as I took another drag from my cigarette.
"You're that over it already?"
"Yeah, weird, huh?"
"Well, yes," she said looking at me like I had twelve heads. "I'm not over it."
"I know."
We talked a bit more about how she couldn't believe that I was over it, and how she wasn't. And how at least we had both moved on with our lives and found other jobs. "So, should we hit the package store then," she asked...Like I'd object.
"Better do it tomorrow."
"We should call the girls and invite them over to get drunk and silly with us," she said, laughing.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because. We were all a part of that. We went through it all together."
"Yeah. And it's only me and you now, isn't it?"
I don't know if it's just me being a cynic, or me slapping her in the face with reality, but we've had conversations like this in the past. Not about the same subject, but along the lines of her being optimistic and hopeful about things, and me just being realistic and telling it to her like it is. That could be part of the reason we're best friends. I keep her in check of reality, and she gives me a different perspective when I'm being too much of a cynic. Works well, I think.
The girls she was referring to were my "Ink Sisters." I've written a bit about us in a previous post. Mother Mitchell tries to keep us all together as much as she possibly can, although I've come to the conclusion that she's wasting her time and energy. Frankly, I no longer want to spend time with these girls. I think that Mother Mitchell, being almost twice my age and having had most of her childhood friends move far away (although they still remain very dear friends), is afraid of losing touch with the girls. She seems to feel like she HAS to keep us together as the dysfunctional family we were when we worked together. I, on the other hand, realize that it's not worth the effort. I have tried to keep in touch with all three of them, but they've never cared about keeping that bond we had. So in the end, it's Mother Mitchell and I who talk on a daily basis, go places together, and enjoy each other now as we did then. I cherish my friendship with Mother Mitchell, and I always will. It's not my fault that the other three have decided that we are no longer "worthy" of their friendship. Are they too busy with their own lives to call every now and again? Are they so wrapped up in their jobs to pick up the phone and return a call? Have they made new friends that are now taking up most of their spare time? Have they forgotten our phone numbers? Or is it just that they were never really our friends to begin with? Personally, I believe it's the last statement that holds true with all three of them. That, and maybe a bit of jealousy or resentment.
You see, every one of those girls, including me, looked up to Mother Mitchell. She was respected by each and every one of us when we worked together. And although she wasn't technically our boss, we all treated her as if she were. Whenever she was around, the three of them were on their best behavior...Except me. I didn't carry on with the games they played. If I messed up, hey, I messed up. I took my lecture from Mother Mitchell, accepted that I had made a mistake and moved on. I took responsibility for my actions, and admitted when I was wrong. My mood swings remained constant, whether Mother Mitchell was around or not. I ranted and raved, and had my bad attitude right in front of her. Granted, she'd tell me to the shut the hell up, or argue with me, or tell me to knock it off, which ever was appropriate, and then it would be done. We'd go back to doing what we were doing and everything was fine. The other three girls, well, I don't know how to explain it...But they never wanted to "disappoint" Mother Mitchell. They didn't want her to think that they were mean, nasty, rude, lazy, stupid, incompetent, made bad decisions, made mistakes, took shortcuts in their work, were late for work or left early...Or anything. They had to be "perfect angels" in Mother Mitchell's eyes. Me....Well, like I said...I never changed. I took shortcuts, and told Mother Mitchell I did, and that I was going to continue to do it my way whether she liked it or not. I told Mother Mitchell that I left work early, or came in late and that she could dock my pay if she wanted to. I lost my temper even when I shouldn't have and flipped out, and then admitted later that I was wrong. I remained constant. And in the end, I think she respected me for being me, period. She and I got along quite well, despite the fact that we are total opposite when it comes to personality. And I think what happened...no, I KNOW what happened, was that, because all the girls were vying for Mother Mitchell's attention, and I wasn't (honest)...The fact that we became such close and wonderful friends, really made them angry, jealous, and resentful. They couldn't wait to tell Mother Mitchell how I had messed up, hoping that maybe because I did, she and I wouldn't be such good friends. They followed her around like lost puppy dogs. They tried to rub things that they had done with her in my face. They started calling her more, and stopping by her house, and inviting her to go places, or go shopping, or just hang out...All in the hopes that they could sneak into her life and push me aside to become her best friend. This went on for at least two years, and in the beginning it didn't bother me in the slightest. I would just laugh to myself, not because Mother Mitchell was my best friend and not theirs, but because I could see how silly they were acting and I saw right through them. The back stabbing that went on, not just them stabbing me in the back but them stabbing each other in back, all to outshine one another, was beyond my comprehension. It was far beyond belief. I'd sit in the back room some days and listen to Miishii talk trash about The-Know-it-All. The next day, I'd listen to Too Friendly T talk trash about Miishii. A week later, I'd listen to The-Know-it-All talk trash about Too Friendly T. Not only did they bad mouth each other, but there occasions when they talked trash about Mother Mitchell...To me...Her best friend. Unbelievable. Did they think I wasn't going to tell her? Well, for a long time, I didn't. Because I didn't want to start any more wars than were already going on. I didn't want Mother Mitchell to think I was trying to make the rest of the girls look bad. So I kept my mouth shut. And it bothered me to not tell her what they really thought. In time, I saw that Mother Mitchell was falling for their crap hook, line, and sinker. She had put her best blinders on, and was convinced that each of the girls were wonderful, in their own ways. She couldn't see them for who they were, and it really bothered me. Not because I was afraid they'd "move in on my territory" and steal my best friend, but because they were all lying to her face to get what they wanted and she was too blind to see it. Mind you, she is an extremely intelligent and perceptive woman, but obviously not a very good judge of character. Finally, I decided to have a chat with her about what was going on. I let her in on the secrect that these three girls were not the perfect little angels she thought they were. It took her awhile, but she finally saw their true colors, and now she knows who they really are. So...while they had won many battles, they eventually lost the war. She no longer thinks of them as perfect angels, she sees them for who they really are...a liar, a user, and a puppet. And I no longer want them in my life. At all.
What it all boils down to is that since we no longer work together, there's no reason for them to continue with their charades. Why should they continue to be friends with someone when it is no longer beneficial for them to do so. They no longer need her, so why should they bother with her? It's no longer in their best interest to kill each other, and me, to be her right hand gal! They don't care about her personal life. They don't want to go shopping with her. They don't want to go to dinner with her. They don't care about her finacial stability, or lack there of. They don't want to be there with her when in bad times, or good for that matters. They don't want her calling them at 2:00 in the morning when she's sick and needs to go to the ER. They don't care that she's finally met a wonderfully amazing man who finally fills that void in her life. They don't love her the way they claimed they did. Hell, I don't even know if they like her anymore. But me...I care about her. I want to go shopping with her. I want to go to dinner with her. I care that she's falling on hard time financially. I want to be with her. I did spend the night with her in the ER. I care that she finally has someone to share her life with.
Because I do love her.
I am constant.
08 August 2006
Ink Sisters....
I've been reading some blogs and finally caught up on some of my favorites. I suppose I should call Mother Mitchell and head out on our errands. I'm nearly out of kitty litter, and that makes my kitties not happy!
We're also planning on stopping by the tattoo parlor to see "Pattoo" about a few things. I have quite a large tattoo on my arm, and while I loved it when I got it (it is a tribute to my late grampa) I now feel the need to change it up and make it "prettier." I think I'm looking at a half sleeve with the task of a cover up at hand, and that is ok with me, but I'm sure Mother Mitchell will not approve.
Second, we (mother Mitchell and I) are looking to get either matching tattoos or something... being best friends and all. We still haven't decided what to get but we're sure to get some ideas from Pattoo. She let is slip last night to another of our friends that we were planning on getting new tats, and our friend could only say "And you didn't include me?" I shall tell you more about this friend in the future I suppose...for now, I shall refer to her as Too Friendly T.
Third, and there needs to be a bit of an explaination here, Mother Mitchell and I are adding a paw print to the single ones we already have. You see, I used to work with Mother Mitchell, Too Friendly T, Miishii, and Know-it-All about 2 years ago, until we all got fired (I won't get into the reasons, but I will say that out of the five of us, only Too Friendly T should have gotten the axe.) Jut about one years after our termination we decided to get matching tattoos, a single paw print, to keep the bond between the five of us alive. While we didn't always get along, we were a "family", dysfunctional as it was, a family nonetheless. Unfortunately, we have all grown apart, with the exception of Mother Mitchell, Too Friendly T, and me. These last few months, even Too Friendly T has been growing more and more distant. Mother Mitchell and i have since determined that we need to add a second paw print, because ours is a bond that will only grow stronger, as she is my very best friend.
That's all for now....
Toodles...
We're also planning on stopping by the tattoo parlor to see "Pattoo" about a few things. I have quite a large tattoo on my arm, and while I loved it when I got it (it is a tribute to my late grampa) I now feel the need to change it up and make it "prettier." I think I'm looking at a half sleeve with the task of a cover up at hand, and that is ok with me, but I'm sure Mother Mitchell will not approve.
Second, we (mother Mitchell and I) are looking to get either matching tattoos or something... being best friends and all. We still haven't decided what to get but we're sure to get some ideas from Pattoo. She let is slip last night to another of our friends that we were planning on getting new tats, and our friend could only say "And you didn't include me?" I shall tell you more about this friend in the future I suppose...for now, I shall refer to her as Too Friendly T.
Third, and there needs to be a bit of an explaination here, Mother Mitchell and I are adding a paw print to the single ones we already have. You see, I used to work with Mother Mitchell, Too Friendly T, Miishii, and Know-it-All about 2 years ago, until we all got fired (I won't get into the reasons, but I will say that out of the five of us, only Too Friendly T should have gotten the axe.) Jut about one years after our termination we decided to get matching tattoos, a single paw print, to keep the bond between the five of us alive. While we didn't always get along, we were a "family", dysfunctional as it was, a family nonetheless. Unfortunately, we have all grown apart, with the exception of Mother Mitchell, Too Friendly T, and me. These last few months, even Too Friendly T has been growing more and more distant. Mother Mitchell and i have since determined that we need to add a second paw print, because ours is a bond that will only grow stronger, as she is my very best friend.
That's all for now....
Toodles...
Damn it....
I've spent the last 15 minutes resizing a picture I took with Dave's camera phone, and now I can't even get the damn thing to post! ARRRGGGHHH!! Could I be any more annoyed? Yes, I'm sure I can be!
I found a neat bug at work today. He was hanging outside my office, just chilling on the door frame. I've never seen a bug like him before, and he probably hitched a ride from Canada in the cedar. If I can find out what he is, I'll be sure to let you guys in on the secrect. He's pretty cool, and he was my smoking buddy today. One of the guys in the shop was going to squish him for me, but I declined and thanked him. Dave said if he bit him, he'd (the bug) die. He didn't move all day, except for when I got close to him to take his picture.
I'm going to TRY to post him here....Well I'll be a son of a bitch! Pop-up blockers!
01 August 2006
A Little 'Splainin to do...
I'm going to make this fairly short for now, for several reasons. First, it's late and I'm tired. Second, I need to actually recall the events from the last 2 weeks to that I can 'splain them right...
I think I left off with my date with Truck. I've known him since I was 20, so....12 years, roughly. I haven't heard from or talked to him in about 11 years, but I found him on the internet and starting chatting with him again. I've always had a fondeness for him, even though he's quite rough around the edges, and he can be very hard to swallow if you don't know him.
I wouldn't actually consider it a date, per say. More like two old friends getting together. He picked me up at my house and we decided to go for lunch/dinner since it was about 2:00 PM.
We talked a little bit (neither one of us are big talkers) but then had to figure out where to go to eat. I'm so used to just going to a very local restaurant or pub that it never dawned on me to go anywhere else.
Truck: "So, what do you feel like eating?"
Me : "I don't care. What do you want?"
Truck: "Whatever you feel like eating."
Me : "Listen, I picked the day, you pick the place."
Truck: "Well, last time I decided I wanted a Philly Cheese Steak I ended up in Pennsylvania."
Me : "As long as I'm home in time for work in the morning, I'm game."
Mind you, I don't live anywhere near Pennsylvania. We ended up going to Cracker Barrel, which is a good thirty minute drive. I ordered a salad and he had the pork chops. I had a really good time with him. Felt like old times. Nothing major really, but I think we're both looking forward to our next lunch. He's a great guy.
He dropped me off at home about 3 hours later, and that was it. Thought it was going to be something juicy? Nah...But I love his spontaneity, and maybe next time we'll end up in New York for some New York System Weiners...
Anyway, my pillow is calling and I'm getting tired, so I'm going to turn in for the night.
Toodles...
I think I left off with my date with Truck. I've known him since I was 20, so....12 years, roughly. I haven't heard from or talked to him in about 11 years, but I found him on the internet and starting chatting with him again. I've always had a fondeness for him, even though he's quite rough around the edges, and he can be very hard to swallow if you don't know him.
I wouldn't actually consider it a date, per say. More like two old friends getting together. He picked me up at my house and we decided to go for lunch/dinner since it was about 2:00 PM.
We talked a little bit (neither one of us are big talkers) but then had to figure out where to go to eat. I'm so used to just going to a very local restaurant or pub that it never dawned on me to go anywhere else.
Truck: "So, what do you feel like eating?"
Me : "I don't care. What do you want?"
Truck: "Whatever you feel like eating."
Me : "Listen, I picked the day, you pick the place."
Truck: "Well, last time I decided I wanted a Philly Cheese Steak I ended up in Pennsylvania."
Me : "As long as I'm home in time for work in the morning, I'm game."
Mind you, I don't live anywhere near Pennsylvania. We ended up going to Cracker Barrel, which is a good thirty minute drive. I ordered a salad and he had the pork chops. I had a really good time with him. Felt like old times. Nothing major really, but I think we're both looking forward to our next lunch. He's a great guy.
He dropped me off at home about 3 hours later, and that was it. Thought it was going to be something juicy? Nah...But I love his spontaneity, and maybe next time we'll end up in New York for some New York System Weiners...
Anyway, my pillow is calling and I'm getting tired, so I'm going to turn in for the night.
Toodles...
Hungry...
I'm sitting in front of my computer, although I DO have things to do. Like clean the house...my cats shredded a newspaper and it's everywhere! I also have to run down and pick up my laundry before they close. Of course, there's still the daunting task of calling The Bald Man to break a "date" with him on Saturday.
I haven't really blogged in a while, so there's so much to tell...namely about "The Trucker," "The Bald Man," and "The Night Owl." But I will get to that. Honest.
In the mean time, I really do need to get to this mess cleaned and do my errands. Plus I'm starving and need to grab a bite with the best friend, which she just hinted at. So...I'm off for now. If I get done early enough, I'll blog later. But I'm not promising this time, because it might not be for a day or two!
Toodles....
I haven't really blogged in a while, so there's so much to tell...namely about "The Trucker," "The Bald Man," and "The Night Owl." But I will get to that. Honest.
In the mean time, I really do need to get to this mess cleaned and do my errands. Plus I'm starving and need to grab a bite with the best friend, which she just hinted at. So...I'm off for now. If I get done early enough, I'll blog later. But I'm not promising this time, because it might not be for a day or two!
Toodles....
Work
Ok, I'm at work, and I have a million things to blog about. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll get to them all tonight. I can't make any promises though...but I really will try! Although it's not like anyone actually reads this anyway!
Toodles...
Toodles...
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