I am constant

It's an absolutely gorgeous day out today. It's cool and breezy, and not at all like a summer day should be here. Last week was hot and humid, and like the snap of the fingers it's 20 degrees cooler. I love it. This is the perfect day, the way every day should be. My door is open and the breeze is amazingly wonderful. Thankfully, the traffic is light today and I can hear my neighbor strumming his banjo. I could sit and listen to him for hours, if only he'd play that long! This is my Paradise.

Unfortunately, reality has a way of hitting hard. I was at Mother Mitchell's last night. The typical Friday Night Movie Night for us. Her boyfriend was there, too. I like him...A lot. He's a really nice guy and I'm glad she's found someone to share her days with. We watched "Before Sunset" and although it sounded like a good movie, it was dreadfully disappointing. Nothing like watching a couple walk through the streets of Paris talking for two hours! I'll have to remember this movie, so I can be sure to NEVER see it again!

When the movie ended I lit a cigarette and said "Guess what Sunday is?"

To which Mother Mitchell replied "Sunday?"

"Yeah, Sunday, duh! Don't tell me you forgot?"

"The 13th?"

"Uh....yeah, the 13th," I could only roll my eyes, not believing she had forgotten.

"Your anniversary? With 'Bibleman'?"

"No, that's October 13th. And it doesn't exist anymore," I said as I flicked my ashes into the ashtray.

"Oh. OOOOOOOH....OUR anniversary!"

"Two years."

"TWO YEARS?"

"Ayup, it's been two years." At this point, she leaned over to her boyfriend and said "Since we lost our jobs."

"Well," she said looking back to me, "Time flies when you're having fun!"

"You know, it's like that part of my life never existed. Like it never happened, any of it. Like I never worked there, at all, ever!"

"Really?" she said looking quite amazed.

"Really..." I said as I took another drag from my cigarette.

"You're that over it already?"

"Yeah, weird, huh?"

"Well, yes," she said looking at me like I had twelve heads. "I'm not over it."

"I know."

We talked a bit more about how she couldn't believe that I was over it, and how she wasn't. And how at least we had both moved on with our lives and found other jobs. "So, should we hit the package store then," she asked...Like I'd object.

"Better do it tomorrow."

"We should call the girls and invite them over to get drunk and silly with us," she said, laughing.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because. We were all a part of that. We went through it all together."

"Yeah. And it's only me and you now, isn't it?"

I don't know if it's just me being a cynic, or me slapping her in the face with reality, but we've had conversations like this in the past. Not about the same subject, but along the lines of her being optimistic and hopeful about things, and me just being realistic and telling it to her like it is. That could be part of the reason we're best friends. I keep her in check of reality, and she gives me a different perspective when I'm being too much of a cynic. Works well, I think.

The girls she was referring to were my "Ink Sisters." I've written a bit about us in a previous post. Mother Mitchell tries to keep us all together as much as she possibly can, although I've come to the conclusion that she's wasting her time and energy. Frankly, I no longer want to spend time with these girls. I think that Mother Mitchell, being almost twice my age and having had most of her childhood friends move far away (although they still remain very dear friends), is afraid of losing touch with the girls. She seems to feel like she HAS to keep us together as the dysfunctional family we were when we worked together. I, on the other hand, realize that it's not worth the effort. I have tried to keep in touch with all three of them, but they've never cared about keeping that bond we had. So in the end, it's Mother Mitchell and I who talk on a daily basis, go places together, and enjoy each other now as we did then. I cherish my friendship with Mother Mitchell, and I always will. It's not my fault that the other three have decided that we are no longer "worthy" of their friendship. Are they too busy with their own lives to call every now and again? Are they so wrapped up in their jobs to pick up the phone and return a call? Have they made new friends that are now taking up most of their spare time? Have they forgotten our phone numbers? Or is it just that they were never really our friends to begin with? Personally, I believe it's the last statement that holds true with all three of them. That, and maybe a bit of jealousy or resentment.

You see, every one of those girls, including me, looked up to Mother Mitchell. She was respected by each and every one of us when we worked together. And although she wasn't technically our boss, we all treated her as if she were. Whenever she was around, the three of them were on their best behavior...Except me. I didn't carry on with the games they played. If I messed up, hey, I messed up. I took my lecture from Mother Mitchell, accepted that I had made a mistake and moved on. I took responsibility for my actions, and admitted when I was wrong. My mood swings remained constant, whether Mother Mitchell was around or not. I ranted and raved, and had my bad attitude right in front of her. Granted, she'd tell me to the shut the hell up, or argue with me, or tell me to knock it off, which ever was appropriate, and then it would be done. We'd go back to doing what we were doing and everything was fine. The other three girls, well, I don't know how to explain it...But they never wanted to "disappoint" Mother Mitchell. They didn't want her to think that they were mean, nasty, rude, lazy, stupid, incompetent, made bad decisions, made mistakes, took shortcuts in their work, were late for work or left early...Or anything. They had to be "perfect angels" in Mother Mitchell's eyes. Me....Well, like I said...I never changed. I took shortcuts, and told Mother Mitchell I did, and that I was going to continue to do it my way whether she liked it or not. I told Mother Mitchell that I left work early, or came in late and that she could dock my pay if she wanted to. I lost my temper even when I shouldn't have and flipped out, and then admitted later that I was wrong. I remained constant. And in the end, I think she respected me for being me, period. She and I got along quite well, despite the fact that we are total opposite when it comes to personality. And I think what happened...no, I KNOW what happened, was that, because all the girls were vying for Mother Mitchell's attention, and I wasn't (honest)...The fact that we became such close and wonderful friends, really made them angry, jealous, and resentful. They couldn't wait to tell Mother Mitchell how I had messed up, hoping that maybe because I did, she and I wouldn't be such good friends. They followed her around like lost puppy dogs. They tried to rub things that they had done with her in my face. They started calling her more, and stopping by her house, and inviting her to go places, or go shopping, or just hang out...All in the hopes that they could sneak into her life and push me aside to become her best friend. This went on for at least two years, and in the beginning it didn't bother me in the slightest. I would just laugh to myself, not because Mother Mitchell was my best friend and not theirs, but because I could see how silly they were acting and I saw right through them. The back stabbing that went on, not just them stabbing me in the back but them stabbing each other in back, all to outshine one another, was beyond my comprehension. It was far beyond belief. I'd sit in the back room some days and listen to Miishii talk trash about The-Know-it-All. The next day, I'd listen to Too Friendly T talk trash about Miishii. A week later, I'd listen to The-Know-it-All talk trash about Too Friendly T. Not only did they bad mouth each other, but there occasions when they talked trash about Mother Mitchell...To me...Her best friend. Unbelievable. Did they think I wasn't going to tell her? Well, for a long time, I didn't. Because I didn't want to start any more wars than were already going on. I didn't want Mother Mitchell to think I was trying to make the rest of the girls look bad. So I kept my mouth shut. And it bothered me to not tell her what they really thought. In time, I saw that Mother Mitchell was falling for their crap hook, line, and sinker. She had put her best blinders on, and was convinced that each of the girls were wonderful, in their own ways. She couldn't see them for who they were, and it really bothered me. Not because I was afraid they'd "move in on my territory" and steal my best friend, but because they were all lying to her face to get what they wanted and she was too blind to see it. Mind you, she is an extremely intelligent and perceptive woman, but obviously not a very good judge of character. Finally, I decided to have a chat with her about what was going on. I let her in on the secrect that these three girls were not the perfect little angels she thought they were. It took her awhile, but she finally saw their true colors, and now she knows who they really are. So...while they had won many battles, they eventually lost the war. She no longer thinks of them as perfect angels, she sees them for who they really are...a liar, a user, and a puppet. And I no longer want them in my life. At all.

What it all boils down to is that since we no longer work together, there's no reason for them to continue with their charades. Why should they continue to be friends with someone when it is no longer beneficial for them to do so. They no longer need her, so why should they bother with her? It's no longer in their best interest to kill each other, and me, to be her right hand gal! They don't care about her personal life. They don't want to go shopping with her. They don't want to go to dinner with her. They don't care about her finacial stability, or lack there of. They don't want to be there with her when in bad times, or good for that matters. They don't want her calling them at 2:00 in the morning when she's sick and needs to go to the ER. They don't care that she's finally met a wonderfully amazing man who finally fills that void in her life. They don't love her the way they claimed they did. Hell, I don't even know if they like her anymore. But me...I care about her. I want to go shopping with her. I want to go to dinner with her. I care that she's falling on hard time financially. I want to be with her. I did spend the night with her in the ER. I care that she finally has someone to share her life with.

Because I do love her.
I am constant.